I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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