I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
