She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
