A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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