11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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