Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
