The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize