There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
