So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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