I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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