Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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