remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
