i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
