If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
