ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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