Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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