Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
