I got chris browned last night
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we're making bets on your personal life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
pray to the hookup gods
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
