he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
