tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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