We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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