I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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