Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
