so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
