a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
