So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
