You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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