I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
