I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
