I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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