I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
