oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
