I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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