don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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