dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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