I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize