ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
