Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
