you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
