Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
