I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
