No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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