bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
