you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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