Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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