i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
