We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize