i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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