You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
