Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
