right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
