I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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