i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
