Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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