All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
