Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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