just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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