Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
