so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
