IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
