i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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