honey bunches of taint.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
