I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
