She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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