and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
