**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
