And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
