sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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