I'm going to jail i love you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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