i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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