Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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